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The HFGWD vs. COVID-19

A. The HFGWD invented the self-quarantine so “social distancing,” not a problem. But, listen up HFGWD, while you like to imagine you’re better off alone, your depression will escalate if you hide too long. Social distancing doesn’t mean emotional distancing. Stay in contact with the people who love you.

2. The HFGWD hates to ask for help because her depressed brain tells her she’s a terrible burden to everyone she loves. Reality check those thoughts and reach out for help anyway. Depression + Pandemic Virus + Government Imposed Isolation = Full Scale Shit Show for the HFGWD. PS. Ordering take out does not count as reaching out for help.

3. Call the pharmacy and make sure there are refills on your drugs. If there aren’t, call your doctor or find an urgent care to hook you up. In the 2-1-0, I recommend Sigma Mental Health Urgent Care.

4. Don’t forgo doctor or therapy appointments. If you’re freaking out about going into an office, ask about telemedicine or phone consults.

5. Don’t forget about the D. The HFGWD needs Vitamin D, so go outside.

F. The HFGWD who is prone to anxiety might need to doomsday-prep her home in order to feel safe. To this I say, you go girl! It might be an overreaction but if it keeps the crazy at bay, do it.

7. The HFGWD is oftentimes prone to cynicism. If your HFGWD go-to mode is anger and resting bitch face, remember to be kind to others. Just because you think the coronavirus is a political conspiracy created by a male dominated, misogynistic government, that doesn’t mean you should disrespect or invalidate the corona concerns of others.

8. The brain of the HFGWD is a dangerous place when isolated and bored.  When the thoughts get weird and panicky (because they will), find a mantra to redirect your mind. My favorite mantras are, “I deeply and completely love and accept myself,” and Arya Stark’s kill list, “Joffrey, Cersei, Walder Frey, Meryn Trant, Tywin Lannister, The Red Woman, Beric Dondarion, Thoros Of Myr, Illyan Paine, The Mountain…”

9. If all else fails, find a way to help someone else. Being of service to others is a fail safe antidote to depression, self-loathing, loneliness, catastrophizing and being an asshole.

10. Finally, a word of caution to women everywhere: Global crisis be damned, your kid will still expect a f*@king Easter basket. Skip that insanity. Fill this years baskets with toilet paper, canned goods and left over Halloween candy.

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